What do you do when you have been traumatized by ual abuse, but your partner can't live without ?

I may have been ually abused as a child, I don't know. But the way I react to , react to the gynecologist (I cry involuntarily) and get overly upset when I hear about others being abused hints that there is something wrong. I have very, very bad feelings during ual encounters with my husband (thoughts of being abused, forced, thoughts about all the poor children who are abused). My husband has constantly pestered me for for 15 years - won't take no for an answer by asking asking asking and sulking, making me feel guilty. He has done things like grab at my when I walk by on a continual basis. I have told him 1,000 times not to do that, but he still did it up until a couple of months ago. I began seeing a therapist who told me it was ok for me to refuse any sexual activity. I told my husband that there will only be sexual activity if I initiate it, which I probably won't. It has been such a relief for me to not have to worry about him badgering me. He is a great husband on the whole, very attentive and loving. I'm not sure if the constant grabbing/badgering has made it impossible for me to be sexual with him. Time will tell on that. But since we have not had any sexual activity, he hasn't been as loving as before, and is pretty testy. We usually get along great, we are best friends. We go on vacation next week. I'm afraid this will ruin it because he has such a high sex drive and I just can't do it right now without feeling like a small child being molested by someone. I don't know if I should give in and try to not feel those things, or if I should stand my ground until I'm ready.